When relationships end, things can get rough. You may not feel yourself for a while. Sometimes, this can culminate in harmful experiences or emotional damage that persists and must be unwound in a professional environment. That being said, there’s no reason why the end of a relationship should suggest the end of living your life with optimism. In fact, a new beginning can spawn from this moment on. It may sound premature to say, and forgive us if this seems insensitive, but it could be that finding yourself alone again, resting with yourself, is superior to living a life with deep-rooted relationship trouble. To that end, the future is bright.
But relationships, and particularly ending them, can get messy. This means that for a couple of weeks afterward, or longer if you were particularly committed to one another (such as with marriage), it can be that this effort takes on a new meaning. Never fear – moving through this process with optimism can and will signify better things on the horizon.
Managing property and belongings can be a tough ask after a relationship breakdown. You may have the urge to just throw everything out, but of course, that’s usually not in keeping with common respect. Depending on how your relationship has gone, it can be worth delivering this, or allowing the other person to collect their things, or in the case of marriage, fully nullifying financial connections via consent orders in divorce proceedings. Belongings can tie people together unnecessarily, and so applying yourself to its mature management can be a worthwhile, if difficult, use of your time.
Perhaps more harmful than caring for your property and belongings is dividing the social ties. Of course, this isn’t always a staunch requirement. You can still know the same people without having to tiptoe around the issue. You don’t have to divide people up like property, because they also have a say in who they know and want to speak to. For that reason, it can be worth just being as open and understanding as possible here, because natural social links will form with or without your interruption. In other words, don’t feel like this is a consideration you have to perfect. You’ll feel much less stressed that way.
Staying balanced is important. It can be easy to become overly aggressive or emotional after things end, but ultimately, all this does is tire you out. You can remove them from your social media profiles without having to do the same to anyone who has ever interacted with them. You can pass them in the park with a gentle ‘hello’ and not look at them with a piercing expression as you walk past. You can take some time to yourself, neglecting to perfect ‘the tidying’ without feeling like a layabout.
Staying balanced is important. It can also save you a great deal of difficulty, or prevent you from saying things you don’t mean. Couples can sometimes become too involved in last-minute point-scoring with one another, and that helps no one. It doesn’t help you feel better about yourself either, because it’s never nice knowing you sunk to that level. Care and attention is required here. If you can apply it, you may just find yourself with a better approach.
Taking the time to start afresh can feel like a rejuvenation of the spirit. It can also help you avoid wallowing in self-pity, which is often the temptation after an experience like this. Getting out to the gym and exercising, starting a new club, picking up an instrument, these things can give you direction and routine outside of work. Furthermore, it can help you channel your negative energy into something positive, which will ultimately reinforce positive habits.
The more you can approximate this intention, the likelier you are to see a positive result. As we have mentioned above, there is absolutely nothing that states you cannot make the most of your life after a relationship has gone awry. Instead, you can now learn from that process instead of trying to suppress it, and use this information to move forward. Some may wish to untangle some of these internal cobwebs through counseling also, and if you believe that to be helpful then you can’t go wrong. But don’t be afraid to view this as an opportunity. Optimism is always the best policy.
With this advice, we’re sure you’ll be able to tidy up after the end of the relationship, and move on with your life as appropriate.
*this is a collaborative post